


No hope, no future?

by Darkdorkchan (Raburabusama)



Series: Miki Saburō needs a route [5]
Category: Hakuouki
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-08
Updated: 2019-07-08
Packaged: 2020-06-24 20:44:04
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,926
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19731436
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Raburabusama/pseuds/Darkdorkchan
Summary: Hello, I’m back |ω・)And by back I mean back in Miki hell (ok, I never left I just didn’t have time to write ^^’) with the 5th part of this insipid drivel! There is no end, and no help for me,  _:(´ཀ`」 ∠):_It was supposed to be plot but what we get? More lemons!!! I’m working up towards the plot I swear.





	No hope, no future?

The first thing you did after wobbling your way out of the Itō end of the headquarters was wash your face thoroughly with cold water. If Inoue so much as suspected Miki had made you cry things would get nasty, for him and then for you. So, you tried to avoid him and did not try all that hard to hide the elation bubbling inside of you from those last words Miki had uttered to you.  
What those words also managed was to make your afternoon the longest you had experienced in years. Trying to focus on the everyday tasks you usually so enjoyed was suddenly incredibly difficult. It would’ve also been an insult to your character to claim the only thing you felt was anticipation, for what had happened also served to remind you of the harsh reality of this situation you had gotten yourself into. How reckless and stupid you had been and still were, and instead of being completely at the mercy of Miki Saburō’s whims, it might be that in truth you were endangering him too. For, with each passing day and encounter wasn’t he too becoming an accomplice in this fumbling game of deception, hiding the truth from his brother, whom he so dearly respected, and others. How long could this dance continue until you, him or the both of you fell, and how badly? The two of you had no future, not at least so long you both were in the Shinsengumi, but neither of you had an escape from there either.  
  
Such dark thoughts shadowed the edges of your mind as night fell and you washed yourself with a cloth, not daring to brave the baths. After sunset time slowed down to a sluggish torture, as nothing served to distract you; you had no new books to read, no fine kimonos from which to choose your dress for the night, no make up to put on or decorations to adorn your hair with. None of them would be visible in the midnight darkness anyways, had you had any of those. In the end you did decide to wear your only yukata, one you didn’t usually dare to wear out of fear of your gender being found out. Hakama were masculine enough most men didn’t look past it to your true nature, but with the yukata you felt you had no such advantage. And it was a darker shade of red, so it might not be so easily spottable when you were sneaking around the compound during the night, and, who were trying to kid, you hoped Miki would be excited to feel you wearing something else for a change. He wouldn’t see much of it anyway, albeit the moon was nigh full, and it seemed to be a clear night in the making.  
You were grateful also by the fact he had chosen the place for your clandestine encounter at the exact opposite end of Nishi Honganji to where the rasetsu corps resided. Running into even one of them would be a disaster, even if the strict curfew dictated by the Shinsengumi rules only applied to being outside the compound. Nonetheless, wandering around the headquarters after nightfall was definitely not encouraged, adding yet another layer of dread to this already rather dreadful evening you were having. You had little option but to extinguish your candle and sit in the dark beside your futon waiting for the bell toll, with only your thoughts as company.  
  
After an eternity you counted the four deep clangs of boar’s hour bell and trying your hardest to be quieter than a shadow you snuck out. Never had you considered yourself an apt sneaker, and you were sure all the sleeping men in the headquarters would be roused by the frantic hammering of your heart alone. But none came to catch you, to question you or to stop you. One excruciating step by another you made your way to the large garden surrounding a well sized pond, whence the upper echelons of the monks of Nishi Honganji could spend their time in contemplation, and having tea parties. By night the beautiful garden was deserted and rather quiet, the intense song of cicadas was subsiding as autumn drew near. Luckily, there was enough of them still to provide a little sound screen. The pale moonlight was just enough for you to quicken your pace on the plump moss of the garden, no longer was there a danger of being seen and heard, and you were quickly shedding all carefulness in favour of hastening to the small earthen walled hut whence Miki had ordered you to come. The beat of your heart was no longer quick only due to fear, but also for anticipation.  
You circled the hut to the side of the pond and there he sat, leaning to the mud wall, eyes contemplating the still waters. Completely unsurprised by your appearance he turned his gaze to you, and you felt the purple of it even in the darkness with all colour sapped from the world, making Miki into a paler shadow among blackness.  
“Took you long enough, thought you’d turned to a snail by the pace” he whispered, and you could hear the cocksure smirk from his voice, utterly nonchalant whereas you had been beside yourself with terror for the past few hours at least, not even mentioning the harrowing trek here.  
“I-I didn’t want to get caught” you explained needlessly, clinging to the edge of the hut like indeed a snail would.  
“Were you planning on standing there for many hours, now?” he cocked his head at you. Hastily you made your way to the dark square of fabric Miki sat upon, everything that had happened these past days swirling in your head like a poisonous vortex. A barrier rose in your mind between the two of you, leaving you on your knees at the edge of the blanket, not daring to touch him even if that was the thing you most wanted to do.  
“N-no, I…” you tried, and failed, and tried again: “Was everything… ok, with, um, Itō-san?”  
Miki made a pained sound, leaning his head back into the wall with a barely audible thud.  
“He just thinks I’m fooling around with some cute junior member” he finally sighed, gaze averted, but you did detect a hint of rueful amusement in his voice.  
...Well, those sorts of relationships were not exactly rare in the Shinsengumi. It was a world of fiery young men after all, and each new beauty recruited left the ranks vibrating with enthusiasm, despite too much passion being frowned upon. Love affairs led to personal feuds after all, and those were strictly forbidden, but no amount of prohibition could and would stop the inevitable, so such relationships were tolerated as long as they did not lead to violence. Your elevated position as a page had protected you from most advances in the past, but you hadn’t completely evaded the attention of amorous young gentlemen, either, but the captains had protected you rather firmly, until now. Miki laughed lowly:  
“Well, it is not entirely wrong”  
It still wrenched your heart to know you had forced Miki into lying to his brother, you twisted your fingers into your yukata painfully, and couldn’t help but to whisper:  
“Saburō, I’m so sorry.” Miki grunted, and his healthy hand was sliding on your arm, up to your shoulder, to your neck.  
“How many times do I need to say don’t until you believe” he mused, the fingers first pressing to the sweaty skin of your neck and then tangling into your hair.  
“But I messed up, so bad, and you… lied to, to… your… just because I couldn’t…” _Why_ was the question you really wanted ask, but the word refused to come out of your frantic mouth.  
“Stop beating yourself about it already, I’m rather fond of boldness” he pulled you closer forcibly, and partly by the hair, until your face was a mere breath’s width from his, “or is it just rashness? Your desperation for me that has begun to strip you of all reason”  
The pain of his administrations sparked your blood, his breath mingling with your unstable gasps for air drawing you in:  
“Never had any” you had blurted out before you realised, Miki let out a tiny chortle:  
“What?”  
“Not with you” hastily you amended, or tried to, probably made things even worse, and your hand was on his wrist, stroking. You swallowed his little hitch of breath with your lips timidly pressing against his. You were too deep already in this hell to even hope for redemption, onwards was the only direction you had left. To the bitter end.  
Your kiss was slow, questing, the franticness of only a few hours before now lost. Miki turned to face you properly and gingerly also wrapped his injured arm around you.  
“Hmm, still, you need to stop being so daring.” Miki whispered to your lips, mouth starting its travel towards your neck, you did your all you could to keep as quiet as humanely possible.  
“Kashitarō is quite interested in who the lucky boy is, and you have the most honest face I’ve ever seen” He laughed softly against your skin, and goose bumps followed his words, but a pain did stab your chest once more. You made a sound fitting to that feeling amongst your barely controlled breathing, hands clinging now to his broad shoulders like he was the last tattered piece of rope in a stormy sea.  
“Hn, or would you rather he found us out?” his breath was hotter than the night air on your skin, by your ear, and his teeth were nipping gently at the lobe. You wanted to lose yourself into that pleasure anew, but the pain of reality weighed you down.  
“Nn-no.”  
“Then we, you, need to be very cautious from now on” and with those words he pulled you closer, tipping your dainty balance and onto his chest. A giggle with a slight edge of panic broke out of you:  
“Like we’re being now?” Miki’s own quiet laughter followed, and it rang within you like you were a tiny silver bell he was ringing, sending your entire body thrumming to that tune.  
“Exactly.”  
His hands roamed lower, and you were half on your knees before his sitting form, leaning into him, yukata already slipping open as you found yourself wanting rather desperately climb onto to that lap once again. Miki’s palms slid over the obi keeping your yukata in place, to your ass and squeezed.  
“Hoo~ I thought your kimono felt different, but a yukata” he hummed appreciatively against your collarbone grabbing a rather bold feel, and you felt your face heat up with a blush, as you heard in his amusement at your eagerness to please him, or that is how you interpreted it.  
"A furisode would much better suit you, lusty maiden" he murmured into your skin, teasing, hands rubbing circles on your ass, until he finally tilted you over completely. Barely you swallowed your yelp as you fell ungracefully forward, arranging your limbs so that you sat flush against him, bare legs now completely exposed as your yukata was fast slipping open. The skin of your chest pressed into Miki's own, for he too was clad in only a yukata instead of his complex everyday gear. He was warm and you could've sworn his intoxicating scent was even more overwhelming, consuming, than ever before here in the dark, all of it was just too much, too precious to lose, to give up. You wrapped your arms around him and pulled him closer, with all your might, in the vain hope the two of you could be somehow made inseparable with your strength alone.  
"Saburō..." you whispered voice hoarse with unshed tears, his good hand was squeezing you back "I-i... if we were the least bit smart... we'd--"  
"What's this now, the lady is not satisfied with my services?" he chuckled, licking your shoulder and neck  
"N-no that's not what I--"  
"Nor is neither one of us very smart, isn't it so?" he continued lower, humming pleased as no obstructing binding sheets of fabric were encountered.  
Squirming, you still tried to protest, but Miki pushed your body away from him and his palm was suddenly again on your throat, gently but firmly pressing down. Nothing more was needed for you to stop breathing entirely, his thumb felt up the ridges of your windpipe, one by one:  
"So why stop, _foolish girl_?" voice dark with indescribable emotions, and for a split second you contemplated death by his hands. Then his thumb subsided, and he pressed a kiss against that same spot, then lower; a quivering, burning gulp of air found its way to your lungs, trying to keep quiet.  
“You’re mine”  
The air burnt only half so hot as the emotions in your chest, in flames with that familiar mixture of fear, lust and more. With that painful breath you whispered his name again, now more like a prayer and meshed your fingers into his hair, it slipping between them like sleek silk. Without really realising you had been pressing him back down, and with a subdued laughter he whispered:  
"Yes, milady" as his tongue slickly circled your stiff nipple only to suck it into his mouth. You, on the other hand, had to press your face into his hair to try and muffle a moan bursting forth. How were you ever going to keep quiet with him? Slowly he was bending you back while his mouth assaulted your agitated breasts, until your shoulders hit the ground. In a daze you felt his mouth lick its way lower, until his tongue was teasingly licking your navel, and you were there half slipping from his lap lying completely open with your legs apart hips bending forward eagerly.  
"Nnn--Saburō I--" it was difficult but you managed to manoeuvre yourself higher, resting your weigh on one arm while forcing his head up and away from your skin, allowing for a brief respite to gather your wits, you knew where this was going already.  
"What now?" he sounded a little irked by all of your antics, but you were adamant crawling higher, because there was something you really wanted for him, but... it scared you too.  
"I want to..." you pushed him up against the hut, and he let you do it, for had he not wanted to you could've never forced his body anywhere he didn't want it to go, but you were certainly testing his patience:  
“Aan? What?”  
There was no way you could say out loud what you wanted, feeling your cheeks burn even at the thought, so happy the inky blackness of the night was hiding your face from Miki. Too bad he didn’t feel like letting you off so easy:  
“I asked you a question” he said hand blocking your advancing face, as you had tried to shut the both of you up with another kiss, his voice carrying that familiar absolute authority that sent shivers running down your spine. You made a small whimper, like the dying squeal of a wilting innocence:  
“I-I want to… taste you” you swallowed, rubbing into Miki’s hand like a cat would “please”  
It made Miki cackle wickedly, and his hand moved back to stroke your neck.  
“From where exactly?” his evil amusement was dripping from that slow drawl, you wanted to die a little but all the more it made the hot tingling of your sex spark and roar.  
“Sh-shouldn’t we be quiet so no one spots us?” you tried for a bit of sass, but your breathless whisper only made another of Miki’s cackles come through  
“Aa-a, show then, if you won’t tell, lewd girl” gently he nudged you closer by the neck, stretching his back languid against the wall opening himself up for you. You were still mostly on his lap, and now you gushed eagerly into another kiss, one in which you tried to dictate the pace. You loved kissing Miki, he felt so good, soft lips and softer tongue that seemed to know exactly what Miki needed to do to rile you up, not to mention his teeth nipping your lips to add some pain into all the pleasure. You couldn’t handle that particular battle for long, so you abandoned his mouth in favour of licking the salty sweat from his throat.  
Slowly you slipped from Miki’s lap to lick his skin lower, opening his yukata collar again wider. He made an appreciative hum while you bent lower, snaking your hand behind his back to fumble at his obi. Luckily, Miki had opted for a rather simple knot this time, maybe he had indeed anticipated disrobing would be on the menu tonight. You felt his amusement like you’d feel the heat of a blazing fire, as you rolled the long obi away from his hips.  
Next you opened the whispering silk of his yukata, sliding your hands from Miki’s chest all the way over his hips and to his thighs. In the dark his pale skin seemed to glow faintly against darker shade of his clothes, and the earthen wall of the hut. Now you wished you could see him in all of his glory. You scooted a bit further away and with your wordless guidance Miki stretched his legs obediently forward leaving you kneeling between them. Your heartbeat was deafening, you were so embarrassed about what you wanted to do, but you wanted to do it so badly you were ready to live with the mortification… maybe.  
So, your mouth was soon at his chest again, and Miki’s good hand was gently stroking your head, egging you onwards. Timidly you licked your way sideways to tease Miki’s nipple with your tongue, it made Miki purr happily, really he was almost vibrating with self-satisfied joy, you could feel it. The fleshy nub hardened quickly under your tongue, serving to send another jolt of desire coursing through you. Miki’s hand in your hair seemed to be tugging you lower; the man clearly having deducted your desires already. Compliant, you kissed his belly, pushing yourself back enjoying the twitch of his muscles, especially after your reverent hands began drawing esoteric sings into his skin in praise of it.  
Finally they, and your mouth, ended by the edges of Miki’s fundoshi, his smell much headier mixed with the scent of his lust. Your lips were tingling almost as badly as the heat between your legs, you were really going to do this. Hastily you smoothed your hand over his erection, before you could overthink it, and it did make Miki gasp in anticipation even if you heard he was trying to muffle all his reactions. You let out a tiny moan of your own, as you undid the knots holding Miki’s fundoshi in place.  
Now it was free, nothing but air between you. You felt a hotness oozing down inside you as your body pined after the memory of Miki filling you to the brim, driving you beyond reason. With hands shaking only a little you gently took Miki’s hot flesh into your hand, stroking it slowly. Miki made an encouraging sound to you at the back of his throat, but you could sense the smugness of his face just from that sound. His good hand was still meshed into your hair, slipping lower to your neck and then back, its pressure against your skull obscenely erotic in reminding you of how much in control Miki still was with you.  
You licked your lips, and then licked the head of his swollen dick. The slick precome slid on your tongue, the taste and feel of it sending your head spinning with need. After another encouraging hum from Miki you wrapped your lips around the hot, hard head completely. Miki was pushing you lower now, he had been so intently passive thus far, and you slowly bent lower to take more of him in, licking the underside of his dick while doing so.  
It was impossible to fit all of him to your mouth, so you just stroked what was left of him, lifting your head up only to bob it back down. Miki did moan at that, hips bucking up just a little to meet you. It made your own throbbing sex twitch in response, and your head swell with pride. This was what you wanted, to hear more of him, to have him be undone by you, give him that same pleasure he had gifted you with several times already.  
Again you receded like a wave, giving the head of Miki’s cock another swirling lick only to push back down like a returning surging one. And again.  
“Mnnh, that’s good” Miki groaned stroking your head, and you didn’t even want to chastise him into being quieter for how hotly his praise made you tingle. He guided you into a satisfying rhythm and you did your best to fit as much of him into your mouth as you could, each gasp and moan spurring your further, faster. Not to even mention how his hips rose to meet your ministrations.  
Until Miki’s grasp of your hair tightened and he forced your mouth off from his dick with a wet pop followed by a mewl of indignation:  
“Ssabur--”  
“Haahh, I appreciate the sentiment but – I ” and he swallowed, the breathlessness of his voice going straight to your pussy “I’ll fuck you now”  
He pulled you onto his lap, from your hair still mind you, crossing his legs under you and brought your still clothed sex flush against his saliva soaked one. And despite your best efforts you were moaning into his shoulder, eager hands slipping within his kimono to pull him closer even if you were so callously robbed of having Miki come down your throat. Hastily Miki ripped your undergarments out of the way, pushing himself into you with unprecedented haste. It tore a louder moan out of you as an exhilarating pain assaulted your senses when Miki’s bloated dick thrust within you ready, but unprepared pussy. It went deep on one go, your legs wrapping together around his hips to drive him further.  
Miki hissed, giving your shoulder a sharp bite to remind you of your situation. You wanted to complain, it was his fault, completely, but words abandoned you so you just growled, biting him back, albeit gently. He rocked his hips forward, the tiny movement sending a gush of sparkling pleasure shooting through you, despite yourself you cursed and whispered Miki’s name into his skin once more, it was just too good. Your clit was rubbing against him with the tiniest of movements from Miki’s pelvis. He pulled you closer to him, returning your whisper with his own, each choked syllable of your name cracking your heart further.  
Your movements were frantic, fast and desperate, Miki’s dick hitting a sweet spot within you with each upward thrust, making keeping quiet an impossible task. You tried muffling your moans into the crook of his neck, frantic fingers alternating clawing at his back and gripping helplessly at his yukata. It was easier to not breathe, because then you couldn’t sob and whine, opting instead in filling your mouth with his skin, licking and biting everything you could reach. It was hasty, it was ugly, and it was your entire world.  
How Miki managed to keep his voice even somewhat in check you could not fathom, but he did just then let out a ragged moan as your insides spasmed needily around him as the head of his cock hit your sweet spot anew. An evilness bloomed within you and you crushed those muscles again around his dick by your own volition, your slick walls flashing with all new euphoria as the pressed flush against Miki’s hard flesh.  
“Oh fuck!” he spat out, hips jerking upwards. You were so close, trying to keep your breathing in check, vision swimming with white stars as oxygen deprivation was starting to make your head woozy and smearing the pleasure of Miki fucking you all over your body with prickling ecstasy.  
“Did that on purpose” he managed to whisper voice hoarse, but you were too far gone to even try and reply, his hands squeezed your nipples, then your ass hard in retaliation and they guided you into a last, frantic rhythm that had you tumbling over the edge into a literarily blinding orgasm. Desperately you tried to keep yourself quiet, biting into your own hand and still making the most obscene sounds. Miki was swallowing moans of his own as your pussy was pumping around his abused cock, trying to bring him over the edge.  
Another curse later you were pushed off from his dick rather carelessly as he followed you into a scantily muffled orgasm. You felt the hot pulses of his semen stain your skin again, wanting desperately to live in a world where he could just come inside of you without a care, where you could me melded into one until the end.  
Then both of you fell into an exhausted heap on that small square of fabric Miki had prepared for you, the only sound meshing into the sluggish song of cicadas being your erratic panting.  
What followed was a familiar, satisfied stillness enveloping you both into a splendid calm, which was also very sticky and a chaotic mess of yukatas. Neither one of you wanted to break the comfortable silence, for speaking up would only hasten the inevitable. Instead you snuggled closer to Miki, resting your head on his chest and sighing content when he rested his chin on top of your head wrapping you in his arms. The gravel beneath your blanket was hard enough to make falling into a blissful sleep an impossibility, luckily for you, because after this whole harrowing day you wanted nothing more than to sleep in his arms until dawn woke you.  
Eventually, and only after you heard the nine bell tolls marking midnight echo from the far end of the Nishi Honganji did you reluctantly begin to untangle. Unenthusiastically you rewrapped your yukata around you, as did Miki and you got up to your wavering feet.  
Another silence stretched between you then, you really not knowing what one was supposed to say after a clandestine little tryst like this, so you wrung your fingers into your yukata mutely.  
“From now on…” Miki finally broke the silence, and it made a shard of ice run through you, a fear of the inevitable, a one sided decision that this was the end.  
“You won’t seek me out, understand?” and his cold words ripped your insides to bleeding shreds, but then a warm hand was on your shoulder squeezing.  
“You’ve got even less eye for intrigue than me, you’re so oblivious… We’ll be found out in a flash” and you heard endearment in Miki’s voice as his forehead pressed onto yours and a bewildered hope unfolded within those aching bones of yours.  
“Sa-Saburō” you whispered drunkenly not able to think beyond that.  
“You sheltered little girl” gently he mocked you. Steeling yourself you whispered:  
“Wouldn’t… it be wiser to… not see… anymore” you didn’t want to put these horrifying thoughts into words, lest they become reality. Miki only laughed that derisive laughter of his into your face, quietly:  
“For you maybe, but I’m not going to let this most amusing of playthings go just so” and he pulled you against him, just so, a familiar thirst within you already rousing, hitching your breath and sending your heart galloping once more. By their own accord your hands snaked around Miki’s back to pull him closer:  
“Nor do you wish that yourself, lewd girl… ” at that you shook your head against his chest and felt it rumble with his satisfied laughter.  
“You want – _need_ – an escape from this bleak prison, too, aan?” his hands were roaming your back and you were teetering on the edge of plunging back into another tumultuous ride of need. You whimpered your surging desire into Miki’s skin and he chuckled:  
“Insatiable”  
There was not much you could say to that, for it was right. Each morsel of Miki you received made you hungrier for more of him, and there was no end in sight.  
“So, I will continue to I seduce you into spilling all of the tasty secrets Shinsengumi leaders have shared with you” Miki sighed contentedly stroking your hair and pulling you into a kiss.  
“I don’t know much, I’ll never be a captain, so why would they” you whispered into his lips after the lazy exploration broke, hoping against hope your lie would slip past Miki here in the blackness of night.  
“Hm, true” he hummed and took another long kiss from your lips. After which you grudgingly disentangled your limbs and made your quiet way to the edge of the garden, fingers intertwined. That too made your foolish heart swell with more fondness of him.  
“Don’t get caught” was the last thing a sneaking shadowy Miki Saburō whispered you when you parted ways, and you didn’t. At least no one stopped you, that is, but a chill followed you, even if there was a gleam of hope in this darkness you had found yourself in. As long as this game went on it would last. A futile dream of a future, but one that you refused to give up on.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for bearing with me, I hope it wasn’t too boring and repetitive (;´Д`) As always I love and appreciate each kudos, comment, critique or the like immensely! Especially critique!  
> Next I am sure it will be a… non-lemony thing that will happen. I’m sure. 101%


End file.
